People typically decide to start therapy because they have tried everything they could think of, and still the problems remain. Often they have concluded that even if they did not start the problem, they are perpetuating or exacerbating it in some frustratingly obscure way. Many people conclude that their own blind spots and habits make it impossible to proceed without an outside perspective. Human beings are hard-wired to manage their emotions collaboratively – this is one of the reasons emotions are so huge! They are intended to overflow our boundaries and to mobilize a team effort. Where our family and friends have failed to adequately help, therapy proceeds with better tools in a safer environment. The support of family and friends often comes with demands for reciprocity that are not possible when you are severely depressed, anxious or traumatized. Therapy is a place where we can focus on your needs alone so that we can make rapid, unimpeded progress toward a better way of life.
Taking a big step back, therapy offers us the opportunity to build internal strengths and resources that we have never had before, often ones our parents and support figures explicitly lacked. This does not mean we are training to be perfectly self-contained units, however – to the contrary, with each skill we learn, we become more able to rise above old patterns to connect with people in gratifying new ways. To do this, however, we need to get ‘good enough’ at being the support person we have always needed inside. This can seem as hard at first as learning a foreign language, but it turns out to be so much more intuitive than that. Once we start to satisfy our formerly desperate needs for attention, safety and respect, there are so many fewer ways other people can hurt us. The result is greater inner peace and satisfaction, and better personal and professional relationships.
I do my best to keep it friendly, interesting, natural and fun. At some point we are going to talk about the hardest things a human can experience, so I need to earn your trust early and often as a safe and knowledgeable support person – I am very open to feedback on this topic. Because each person has different issues and goals for therapy, our approach will vary depending on your needs. In general, you can expect to discuss the current events in your life, the personal history relevant to your issue, and the tools and techniques we are utilizing to help. I do not assign ‘homework’ – this would imply that I already know the outcome and will grade you on your performance. What nonsense! Each week we will agree on a small, easy experiment – something new for you to try in your daily life. Then we will check back to see if it helped and if it is something you want to keep doing. These little experiments have a way of adding up to major shifts over time.
Therapy is an important investment in your overall health and well-being, like taking your car to a mechanic. Humans did not evolve to manage all of life’s challenges alone – sometimes we have to put our heads together to solve a hard problem, or seek a reflection of ourselves in the eyes of a trusted ally. While you may have been able to successfully manage difficult situations in the past, we all have our limits. Our society is evolving rapidly to demand higher levels of emotional intelligence and self-control at home and at work, so what worked ten years ago may not now. Seeking therapy shows strength, creativity and a commitment to ongoing growth.
Pretty safe to say ‘no.’ Most people have some fear that the process will be weird, overwhelming or disempowering in some way, or that the therapist will use the time for their own personal agenda. Maybe you have had a bad experience with a therapist who acted as a proxy for your parents, or mindlessly parroted back whatever you said, or imposed their own opinions on you in some way. Goodbye! Our field has gotten notably better in the past ten years, you have more maturity and personal autonomy than you did back then, and I have learned and grown a lot since my start in 1999. I cannot predict what growth will look like for you – I believe you have an inner compass that will guide you to new and unexpected places with the tools I provide – it never fails to amaze me. I also believe strongly in taking your feedback and apologizing when I am off base. I am not a Sphinx-like authority figure you are not allowed to question – I am a human being like you, making my own way forward using the best methods our field has to offer.
No. TV therapy is about as real as TV courtroom dramas – so much ego and casual rule-breaking, so many implausible ‘Presto!’ moments, and always at least one villainous authority figure designed to get us riled up. You and I are two human beings with a painful awareness of how difficult and confusing life can be, and a shared goal of finding a safe path forwards. I have worked long and hard in my own therapy to get where I am, and I know how much patience is demanded from both you and I. Change can happen suddenly, but only after moving so incrementally that you often do not notice the shift. Marking and celebrating these steps forward, which others may not see for some time, is part of the joy and value of the work.
Therapy sessions are absolutely confidential in almost every instance. Therapists are required by law to protect your privacy and cannot discuss what you talk about in your sessions with anyone else. In addition, therapists are ethically responsible to keep your records confidential. In rare and extreme circumstances involving danger to yourself or others, some information may have to be shared. It will always be limited, with the goal of ensuring everyone’s safety.
It is well established that the long-term solution to mental and emotional problems cannot be solved solely by medication. Instead of just treating the symptom, therapy addresses the cause of our distress and the behavior patterns that curb our progress. You can best achieve sustainable growth and a greater sense of well-being with an integrative approach to wellness. Working with your medical doctor you can determine what’s best for you – in some cases a combination of medication and therapy is the right course of action. I am slow to recommend medication, but I will if I feel like it will remove a barrier to progress in our work together.
My practice does not accept insurance directly at this time. I am able to work with patients who are covered by insurance to use their Out Of Network benefits. I will provide the required documents for you to be reimbursed by your insurance company based on their policies.
Exploration and experimentation leading to new ways of engaging with ourselves, other people, and the world as a whole.
